she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
