planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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