I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
