It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
