Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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