I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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