So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
