just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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