I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
