im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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