WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize