I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
