You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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