Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize