I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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