how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
