dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
