Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
