You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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