It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
FUCK WHALES
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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