lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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