So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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