When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
