So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
