So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
