Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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