my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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