As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
