I think my fart just growled at me.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's official drugs can't kill me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
