he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I am one with the molecules
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize