I want to have your abortion
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
