are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So here I am, sexting at work.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
