And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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