I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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