i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There are leaves in my underwear?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize