I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
