yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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