When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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