I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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