she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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