I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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