She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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