I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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