I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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