Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize