my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
