I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
