Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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