Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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