sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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