making cat noises will not fix the situation.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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