Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
