i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
