Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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