I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
