i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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