yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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