so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize