There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize