u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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