i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
