"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize