Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
