Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
