I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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