he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Four minutes until I can fart!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
