you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
