i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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