So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
