Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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